Itamar

A 53 year old man from Barbados comes into your Fast Track area with complaints of a foreign object in his eye. He worked for years in the tropical outdoors as a conservationists. You examine his eye, preparing to fake a funduscopic exam before you fluorecein his eye like crazy, only to Read more…

  Chapter 1   You greet EMS at the door. They are bringing in a man who eerily reminds you of your drunken choreography at your own wedding. You ask some questions and appreciate a fully responsive man with violent, uncontrollable muscle contractions of the extremities, trunk and face – looks like Read more…

    Crocodile Dundee walks through your ED  door saying: “A ant eose ai aouh”. You look at him, bewildered, thinking: That isn’t an australian accent. You gather from Dundee that while attempting the mating stance of a Burmese Python, his jaw “just popped out”. You palpate his face and Read more…

       You assign yourself to a 55 year old female patient with a chief complaint of weakness. On your way to her room you follow the sounds of a woman who is seemingly speaking to Zoroaster, the ancient god of Persia, and loudly listening to Queen. You approach Read more…

  A 32 year old park ranger in a renowned Staten Island quagmire presents to your ED on a fine November eve complaining of pain, itching and swelling of her ears and hands. It’s been cold for a few weeks now, but it hasn’t gone below freezing. Your patient tells Read more…

    It’s 1:28am and the Red Phone in your critical care area rings. It’s the vice president who is notifying you personally that the HAZMAT team is enroute with Steven Seagal. Seagal, who single handedly stopped a terrorist with a nondescript accent from setting off a nuclear weapon in Read more…

A 29 year old female with a history of a congenital endocrinological deficiency (on chronic hormonal replacement therapy) is brought into your critical care area as a “sepsis code”. She tells you that for the past week she has had a productive cough and fever, but did not take the Read more…

You pick up a 65 year old man with no known past medical history and a chief complaint of cough and fever for three days. On physical exam you find a slightly confused man with an unhealthy obsession with Larry David, who is febrile and has crackles in his left lung base. Otherwise, the Read more…

A 32 year old local hipster who thinks he’s so “cool” that even his depression is atypical rolls in to the ED on his hand built, 1950’s soviet scooter complaining of a severe, acute onset occipital headache. He tells you that his Canadian psychiatrist put him on a new (yet retro) Read more…